Author : Rick Hamrick
I can clearly recall that, at age ten or eleven, I wondered how different it would be once I was grown up and had adult responsibilities and—more importantly—adult freedoms. It wasn't something I thought about often, but anytime homework got too onerous or I got one too many "no, and don't ask me again!" answers from my parents, I did ponder the time when I would be completely free, fully in charge of my life, and able to make my own choices with no one to overrule my decisions.Right.I think the first time it really dawned on me in a conscious way that I was completely off base in my earlier thinking was right after I got out of the service—I spent 4.5 years in the Air Force as a computer programmer in my early days—when I had taken a programming job with a little start-up company. I do mean little…we had six or seven employees at the time. We were all in the company conference room, having a company meeting, when I was struck by the realization that this whole thing was a game. I don't mean to say it had no value, because the discussion was important for everyone in the room and for all the customers for whom we provided a software system.What I am trying to describe is the feeling I had at the time. It felt so much like instances when I was a kid and a group of us would get together to plot some mischief, that I had to work hard to stifle a laugh. It was the first time I realized that I might well never feel any more "grown up" than I did at twelve or so. Maybe thirteen, if you count all the stuff around girls. It is probably an appropriate admission at this point to say that I was pretty nerdy well into my early adulthood. My late-blooming coolness is still denied by my four daughters, but I am mature enough to handle that denial. Sigh…For those of you who find this assertion that we may all be thirteen deep down inside alarming, please drop this hot potato right now and move on to something less stress-inducing. It's not going to get any better from here forward. Depart while the getting is good.Having passed the half-century mark not all that long ago, I have reached that stage of life where you still wonder who you are and why you are here—those questions are always present even when ignored during our youth--and find those questions combined with a certain sense of urgency as the years add up. The result is, we invest more time and energy in cogitation of everything. For those of you yet to reach this part of your lives, believe me: it's about the cogitation of everything. I don't claim to be able to explain it, but lots of people I know who are my age are investigating life in a wholly different way than most people do at age twenty or thirty.The fun part of this investigation is that, for most of my peers that I have spoken with, there is a great deal of flexibility and allowance for differences that seems to be completely nonexistent among billions of others on the planet. I fully understand that this doesn't fit the stereotypical image of the Archie Bunker type who has already settled into a life-long pattern of belief. Maybe I'm just lucky in those I have befriended or who have befriended me, but I hope that's not the only explanation: maybe we are all growing in our ability to acknowledge and honor differences. It is so obvious a point that I hesitate to mention it, but the current situation on our planet dictates that I do so: WE ARE ALL THE SAME. That doesn't mean we are identical, or that we share the same skin tone or religion. What it means is, we share far more in this existence than the portion of our lives we don't share. The problem with the world is that so many of us are focused on the differences, small as they are in comparison to the similarities.There are many scientific studies that point to the commonality of our existence. That's not my focus, but it is important to acknowledge. For me and for this article's sake, the focus is on how we are all alike, be it in DNA, or behavior, or primitive animal drives. Have you ever noticed how, when you detect a similarity with a friend, it draws you closer? The phenomenon is very simple to understand: friends find their similar traits, focus on them, and develop even stronger bonds as a result. Then, a cool thing happens, where we are able to celebrate the differences we see between us. It's a process that cannot happen easily without first grasping the similarity of our lives. If you don't connect first, the differences become barriers instead of what they really are: the spice of relationship.The focus on differences, even between groups who are as much as 99.95% the same genetically, produces a result that we have no right to be surprised about! Let's face it: if you decide someone or some group is not your tribe, it is only a matter of time before you figure out the why of it. Most interesting are the events which bring together the young people of avowed enemies in an environment of trust. Without exception, these events result in friendships which transcend the barriers erected by the people ruling the disparate nations or ethnic groups. Why? Because in an environment stripped of the influence of others, people naturally gravitate to becoming friends. In a large-enough group, some will be closer to each other and some may be only polite, but violence simply doesn't happen. In a person-to-person interaction, the value is in the connection, and everyone knows that at a level well beyond what politics can touch. It is the communication filtered through those who stand to benefit from separateness that sparks conflict.To return to my original premise, what if we are all still that thirteen-year-old, a bit geeky, gawky, and socially awkward kid way deep inside ourselves? It would mean that we would have a deep need for understanding, for kindness, and for acceptance. It would mean we would have difficulty in new situations, that we would not find it easy to accept those around us who stood out from the crowd, and that we would want, more than anything, to belong.Time for the good news! There is no barrier whatsoever between you and granting your inner thirteen-year-old self all the nurturing and love your inner teenager so ardently seeks. It's something we so seldom think about, yet it is so easy to do: love ourselves! In truth, that's the beginning point for any long-term solution to the problems we face as one global tribe. Until we allow ourselves the kindness and understanding we so desperately need, we will have none for the people we work with or simply come into contact with, or even for our own families. We have the capacity to be such loving and inclusive beings, but we can't get to that reservoir until we first acknowledge our own need for that love and inclusion. Once we honor our own divinity, we can effectively see it in everyone.Rick Hamrick is more concerned about how we will all grow than how his check will increase, but he would deny that to his boss. He labors as an IT employee at a large American corporation.
Keyword : connection,peace,spiritual message
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