Author : Rick Seymour
Little Mary is three years old and she just got her first finger-painting set. Mom is well prepared. She puts Mary in her old play clothes. She covers the kitchen table with a plastic tablecloth. She has newspapers covering the floor. Then Mom turns little Mary loose with her new finger paints. Within about five minutes Mary has created the most beautiful finger painting ever. She knows it is an absolute masterpiece. She knows she will be the next Michelangelo. She is so proud and so excited about her new creation. Just as she is finishing up, her little brother Johnny, seven years old, comes bopping through the kitchen and looks over Mary's shoulder. He says, "Eeeeeeeeew! What is that?!" Mary says excitedly, "It's a cow!" Little Johnny says, "Doesn't look like any cow I've ever seen. Cows have four legs, not three, and by the way the sky is blue not green. Stupidest looking cow I've ever seen!" How does Mary feel at that moment? She's devastated isn't she?One moment she thinks she has created a masterpiece and the next moment little Johnny has straightened her out about that! My guess is that was very EMOTIONAL for Mary, so it goes in deep. Now, what do you suppose happens whenever Mary looks at that finger-painting set over the next few days? She replays the scene with Johnny over and over – she repeats that painful experience in her mind many, many times. So her first artistic endeavor is very negative, very emotional and is repeated many times in her own mind.Mary is now five years old and one day she is thinking about how much she loves her daddy. So Mary decides to get out her favorite Cinderella coloring book, take her favorite Cinderella picture and color it for her Daddy as a special gift. She painstakingly stays within the lines. It's the best coloring job she has ever done. She can hardly wait for her daddy to come home from work. She knows that this one is so good that it will end up on the refrigerator door! When she hears him come through the front door, she races to greet him with her picture: "Daddy, daddy, daddy, look what I did for you!" – knowing that it will really make his day. He grabs it out of her hand and says grumpily, "Not bad, but her hair is the wrong color." As he throws it back at her he says, "Leave me alone, I've had a tough day, just don't bug me!" How does Mary feel right now? She's devastated again. She's thinking to herself, "I guess it really wasn't any good. If it had been, it would have made Daddy happy. But obviously, it wasn't good enough to do that." What happens every time she sees her coloring book over the next few days? She replays that very unhappy scene in her mind over and over and over. She experiences the pain again and again. She reminds herself how bad her Cinderella picture must have been. One more time it hurts when she tried to be creative. It was EMOTIONAL when it first happened and then plenty of REPETITION in her mind whenever she thinks about it, really nails it home.Mary is now in third grade. It is parent's night at the school. All week Mary has worked painstakingly on her piece of art, because she knows that every child's artwork will be hanging in the classroom for all the parents to see. She knows that this is the best thing she has ever done and can't wait to show Mommy and Daddy. As they enter the classroom and approach the bulletin board where her picture is hanging, Freddie and his parents get there first and his picture is hanging right below hers. There isn't room with all the desks in the way for them all to be there at the same time, so Mary and her parents are waiting as Freddie's parents are looking at his drawing. "Oh Freddie, that is just beautiful! You are so talented. I can't believe you are only in third grade! Most kids in high school couldn't do something that good. Now look at that one above yours. Goodness sakes, in kindergarten you would have been embarrassed to hang that up. That's so sad……. But, Freddie you are amazing and we are so proud of you!"How does Mary feel right now? She is devastated one more time. It is very painful one more time. Now, she doesn't even want Mommy and Daddy to see her picture and she runs out of the classroom in tears. Mary is a tough kid, but every time she tries to be an artist it hurts and she is finally convinced, "You know, this art thing just isn't for me – I don't need that kind of pain in my life." It's emotional. It goes in deep and it is burned into her subconscious mind.So who is it that taught Mary to avoid trying to be creative? It was people that loved her, cared for her and people that would never do anything intentionally to hurt her. Think about this: Did anyone ever sit Mary down, look her straight in the eye and tell her, "Mary you have no talent, you are not creative, you will never be an artist, so why don't you just give it up and forget about it?" Of course not. No one would ever dream of saying something like that to a child. But, what happened? Mary MISPERCEIVED the cues, misinterpreted what was going on. All she registered is that whenever she tried to be an artist, it hurt.Quite often, as in Mary's case, it is not the put-downs or negative verbal bruising and battering that many children (and adults) are subjected to; but it is UNAFFIRMED strengths that can cause just as much damage. If we are never affirmed by the important people in our lives for the things we do, we will interpret that to mean that we are bad at them. People that never receive praise as a child spend their lives trying to earn it from those around them and still feel that they can never be 'good enough' no matter what they do.About twenty-five years go by. Mary has a great job working on the administrative side of a large and successful advertising company. One day Mary's boss walks into the office and says, "Mary, we've been watching you. We are very impressed with your work and we think you have what it takes to go to the top of this company. We want to fast-track you in our management training program." Mary is thinking to herself, "Hot dog! This is what I've been waiting for! My dream is about to be fulfilled!" For the moment she is so excited, that she's about to jump out of her skin. Then her boss goes on to say, "Mary one of the things that we believe in this company, is that for anyone to be successful as a manager, they need to have an intimate understanding of everything that we do around here. So, starting Monday morning, you will be in the art department, doing artwork and helping to lay out some of our advertising campaigns."
What do you suppose flashes through Mary right then?Fear. Is she consciously thinking about those three unfortunate incidents when she was a child? She is not. But subconsciously fear surfaces. All she knows is that every time she tried to be an artist, it was painful. So out of her mouth comes something that sounds like this: "Frank, I really appreciate that offer and I really do want to go to the top someday. But with two kids at home, I feel like I really need to be spending a lot of quality time with them. You know I'm the kind of person that would give it 110%, and if I were to do that I just wouldn't have enough time for the kids. Thank you so much, but I'm just going to have to take a pass right now."It sounded really good didn't it? It certainly was sincere. But is that why Mary REALLY turned it down? No, it was more likely that fear surfaced in her and she would do whatever it takes to avoid having to confront that fear – even to sabotaging her career. How often have any of us sabotaged ourselves without quite knowing how or when or even why? Fear surfaces. We're not sure why or where it's from, but we will move in a different direction – or stay the same – in order not to have to deal with the fear.For more resources on this and related topics, go to: www.godinyourgoals.comMathematician, Aerospace Engineer, Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Management Consultant, Author, Professional Speaker and creator of multiple training curriculum - A career path that uniquely qualifies Rick to understand and relate to a wide variety of both private and public organizations and the people that make them up. He has consulted most of the Fortune 100 companies.Rick has been called the "velvet hammer". He has a way teaching and relating powerful ideas and concepts in such a way that people readily accept their need to change and grow. Rick believes that "If behavior doesn't change - it isn't training!"Rick's Training Expertise:
- Self-Motivation and Goal Setting
- Wellness and Sports Nutrition
- High-Integrity Sales / Permission Marketing
- Communication & People Skills for 'Techies'
- Effective Team Building / How To Lead A Team
- Succeeding As A First-Time Manager
- Professional Supervisory SkillsFor additional resources go to: www.godinyourgoals.comFor a live seminar, contact Rick at arasent@aol.com
Keyword : goal,goals,goal setting,success,motivation,personal development,prosperity,time management,prioritie
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